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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes I'm recorded while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it feels like a sudden shock.

My best friend of a decade, Marielle, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it strains our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to document everything all the time. When we eat out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when strangers see her posing or filming – I experience secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She creates video blogs about city life, a day in her life, and her styling career. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be involved. On occasion she films me while dining, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her Instagram afterwards, and it comes like a jumpscare: I might be bare-faced, an awkward face or photographed while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

She also expects me to record her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I'm in conversation to another person, or we're simply spending time in the street. I feel like our bond has transformed into me serving as her free crew. She could easily hire someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my discomfort about this arrangement, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to a couple of industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I spend assisting her make content.

I appreciate that she has supported me with my design career, but I don’t want our friendship to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don’t feel she’s fake or inauthentic, but sometimes I feel that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me smiling with another. It feels forced. It's crucial her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also want to experience it without being recorded, altered, or shared for an audience. I’m not a prop for her Instagram.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope my friend to see that the content we make together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about shooting content. It’s not just a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online allows me to express myself and engage with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your interests. I look up to people on TikTok who pull off that style of informal, self-made content creation.

Content creation is my interpretation of engaging with life: observing the nuances, posting them with an audience that appreciates the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uneasy. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my way of sharing opportunities, giving her a opportunity to experience exclusive moments that could benefit her professional path too. That’s not leverage, it’s just being pragmatic.

I would take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see what the content we create together can get us: a foot in the door. I understand not all people likes being filmed, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes material authentic. Appearing on video occasionally is part and parcel of being my companion. I would delete anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my private filmmaker, but friends support one another in minor capacities. I thought filming a clip now and then would be enjoyable for her. Innovation thrives in collaboration, and having Beth around makes endeavors lively and pleasurable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I would never deliberately embarrass her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I record our time together.

I cherish our friendship deeply and don’t want making videos to come between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like requesting permission before filming, and avoiding shots that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about power, it’s about sharing my world while still considering hers. Obviously making content is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I experience life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and Beth when they are socializing?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a friend film you. I understand that it's her passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. With the dark, looming future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is content. She must to respect Beth’s privacy.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love making content and displaying her life online, but it’s not for everybody. It was kind she has helped her friend professionally, but she needs to listen to what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the focus in your friendship. Foster some authentic experiences, where true emotions are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor authentic when they're together – she’s working. Each appears confused as to what’s reasonable. The solution lies not in trying to change one another, but in each establishing clear boundaries around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle over-exposing their friendship?